After months of fanfare, conjecture, and fervent emailing, the first (and only?) NY state gubernatorial debate is finally taking place this Monday at Hofstra University! It's really happening guys—all seven candidates will be there, in their glammest outfits, their cakiest makeup, and with their glitziest stump speeches. Will they stay on message? Will Carl Paladino insult someone's mother? Will Andrew Cuomo say anything? Will anyone pay attention to those other five candidates?

The 90-minute debate will be broadcast commercial-free on News 12 Long Island, News 12 Westchester, News 12 Hudson Valley, News 12 The Bronx, News 12 Brooklyn, Time Warner Cable’s NY1, NY1 Noticias (with Spanish interpretation) and YNN (and on NPR, for you radio listeners). If you're dying to be there in person, Hofstra is also giving out 100 tickets to the public at random, so register soon!

Paladino in particular must be getting nervous. He's already had his campaign manager Michael Caputo lower everyone's expectations for his debating skills ("Andrew Cuomo is a very experienced, very polished, very smooth, very oily kind of career politician that is very difficult to defeat on the debate stage") if our expectations of the future bikini-waxer could be any lower.

And now Paladino's turned to former Westchester District Attorney and current TV Judge Jeanine Pirro to help him practice. He definitely picked the most sympathetic person imaginable, since she is super familiar with men who cheat on their wives and have love children, because that's what her ex did during their marriage.