This is why we can't have nice things, or dogs in bars: An elderly Queens man says his sex life was ruined (and so was his knee) after he tripped over an "unleashed and unrestrained" dog in a Kew Gardens pub in April. Irving Grossman, 81, is suing Austin's Steak and Ale House, which is popular with gamblers because it has its own Off-Track Betting window. That's exactly where Grossman was headed on that fateful spring day when his luck took a turn for the worse.

The lawsuit claims Grossman suffered "severe pain, shock, mental anguish" after he tripped over a Pomeranian. (Couldn't the dog owner just board it instead of taking it gambling?) The tumble somehow "ruined his sex life" with his wife, Jaclyn, and he tells the Daily News, "What can I say? It's the story of my life. I was in a brace for two months." A manager at Austin's insists the bar doesn't allow dogs inside, but there is one regular customer who is visually impaired and brings a Seeing Eye dog. It's unclear how much Grossman is suing for, but he tells the Post there's one silver lining in his sexless, anguished cloud: "I'm saving a fortune—I'm not gambling at all."