There's an episode of Sex and the City (just shut up and stick with me here) in which Samantha is persecuted by neighbors in her dowdy Upper East Side building for having an excess of "overnight guests." Sick of being judged for her lifestyle choices, Samantha ultimately pulls up stakes and relocates to the then hyper-trendy Meatpacking District, where she finally feels at home amid drag queens pelting her window with strappy pink platform shoes at 4 a.m.

Had Samantha lived in 2014 New York, she might have moved to Hacienda Villa in Bushwick, the site of a new polyamorous community in which "polys" can feel empowered to fornicate freely without fear of reprisal from their uptight, monogamy-bound neighbors.

“I found it to be very hard to find people who are willing to take you in when you’re polyamorous,” a 28-year-old grad student named Kate explained to DNAinfo. "I just want a place where I can take my partners to and it would be like a sanctuary," though she added that Hacienda Villa is "not exactly what I was originally looking for." What was she looking for? The article does not elaborate.

"Sometimes it’s hard for poly people to find housing where’s there’s no judgments," said Leon Feingold, the co-founder of polyamorist group Open Love New York, who's moonlighting as the property's realtor. "Where people aren’t always asking them to keep the noise down, or 'who are these people that are visiting you?' and 'why don’t you have a normal boyfriend like everyone else?'" (For the record, "keeping the noise down" is not a lifestyle judgment, it's a common courtesy that even members of the poly community would probably like respected. Also, "why can't you have a normal boyfriend like everyone else?" Since when did New York become Lancaster County?)

Does this appeal to you? TOO BAD. “We’re not advertising. We’re not looking for other people. This is just friends, and friends of friends,” Feingold said. Well then! More like polyamorous-not-them, amirite?

Units in the three-story, 15 bedroom building that you won't be living in will lease from $750 to $1,500 per month, and the first floor will likely be ready to receive tenants (not you) by July. But just because you can never live in Polyamorous Paradise doesn't mean you can't occasionally enjoy a taste of the liberated lifestyle—the first floor will contain a communal space, suitable for hosting, "anything from workshops, to speakers, to parties, to bar mitzvahs." Your move, Jefftown.