Not that you can even afford a gallon of gas without selling your prized Bernie Madoff-pant iPad case, but it'd be a good idea to stay off the road tomorrow. NBC reports that the traffic will be "nonstop from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m." thanks to former Governor Hugh Carey's funeral is at St. Patrick's tomorrow in Midtown, dueling Mets and Yankees games, and a visit from the shadow of President Obama's former self, who will be in town for a pair of fundraisers. One of is a $71,600-a-couple fundraiser hosted by Anna Wintour and Harvey Weinstein at Wintour's home in Greenwich Village that has been limited to "four tables," so that the stars will get extra face time with the president to tell him to repeal the tanning tax.

Among the people wealthy enough to attend the "small dinner and discussion" are Gwyneth Paltrow and husband Chris Martin, Tory Burch, Alicia Keys, and Quentin Tarantino, Page Six reports. "Anna calls, they come running" a source says, although by "running" they probably mean "Jeeves presses extra hard on the gas pedal in their bulletproof Lincoln." Hopefully the president will kindly inform them that their taxes will be raised very soon.