NYPD officers assigned to the World Trade Center site have been warned to stay away from "Fred," a brown and orange pigeon who reportedly has been dive-bombing officers. The Post quotes a supervisor at the First Precinct scolding his charges: "Your appearance in public has to be professional. We're receiving complaints about police officers' demeanor regarding a bird." Maybe Fred just wanted to dance?

It's unclear in the piece what exactly the officers were doing besides "jokingly mocking" the bird that would draw a complaint from a passerby. "At first, he was playful, you know?" one officer on site says. "He would fly down and perch on our shoulders sometimes. It was really funny! So we started feeding him and goofing off with him." Another top secret source tells us that Fred regularly picked up bar tabs, knows all the lyrics to "Hotel California," and is "a helluvan arm wrestler."

The bird has also pooped on an officer at least once. "That's how you know he's mad at you," one officer said. "He has his good days and bad days. He kinda looks at you sideways when he's in a bad mood." But now that police are combing through surveillance footage to see who was fraternizing with the bird, those "good days" are over: "Someone saw us playing around with the bird and complained, so now we really can't having anything to do with him." This just seems arbitrary to us. Why are some cops allowed to make animal friends and others aren't?