Well, the EMS response system went down again this morning, an FDNY spokesperson told us. Paired with the staggering six outages on Monday, dispatcher's fingers must be getting awfully brawny from hand-writing all those information slips.

FDNY officials have admitted that the persistent glitches have delayed response times, and sure enough, today's papers are awash with stories of suffering that potentiallyalmost certainly could have been minimized or even avoided if not for the sluggish emergency responders, scrawling personal information with a quill and parchment in only the most florid Victorian prose.

First, we have the 96-year-old woman who was forced to wait more than an hour for an ambulance after falling down.

Then there's the 4-month-old baby who was found in a Queens day care center bleeding from his head. He died after an ambulance reportedly took 17 minutes to respond to the call.

And finally, dispatchers apparently confused the addresses of two men both calling from Manhattan with severed fingers—assuming that one call was a mistake due to the similarity in addresses. By the time the second victim was finally hospitalized, it was too late to reattach his pinkie.

The system, which is 30 years old, is slated for revamping in 2015 as part of the city's $2.2 billion 911 system overhaul. Then again, why switch systems when you can just get cops to do the dispatching? At least they won't be distracted with posting selfies on Facebook.