You wouldn't know it if you frequent our spotless subways, stroll by our incinerating public art, or feel the aura of our world-famous Maple Spirits, but incredibly, the air around this pristine metropolis we live in is filled with crap. Specifically "bacteria…fungus, tire rubber, dead skin cells, cooking fat and carbon emissions." Take a deep breath—yep, smells like $45.00 to us.

The Daily News followed scientist Bill Logan around the city as he collected air samples from different neighborhoods. "Tiny bits of colorful glass" as well as "rust spores" were found in Queens near JFK. "Airborne starch dominated the samples" in Chinatown (probably as the result of all the noodles being cooked), and Midtown's sample was filled with "lots of carbon" from vehicle exhaust, and "many dead skin cells of every imaginable pigment."

But naturally, Williamsburg's sample was wearing corduroy shoes and reading n+1.

The sample also included molds, rusts, the fungus ganoderma and “numerous” pollen grains. Tire rubber and carbon were evident, but not overwhelming. In keeping with the “hipster sample,” there were also a fair amount of natural fibers, including blue and green cotton and a silk thread.

Found in the air around the Daily News' office in Lower Manhattan? Dangerous levels of cliche.