"Oh, Red Hook," people say when the neighborhood comes up in conversation. "Red Hook is so cute, but it's just so far." They say it mournfully, as though they would love to visit but the visa is too expensive, or the frothing band of minotaurs guarding the border simply wouldn't have it.

Well, good news for anyone too lazy to walk 15 crummy minutes from the subway: Starting today, you can pay an outrageous sum ($9 per stop) to take the New York Water Taxi, which will ferry passengers to Van Brunt Street from Lower Manhattan, DUMBO and Midtown.

The jaunt from DUMBO to Red Hook is roughly 2.5 miles, depending on where exactly you're headed. That's $3.60 per mile. For that amount of money, you may as well commission a burly gentleman to carry you there like a baby.

Check out the taxi's schedule here. Alternatively, you can also take advantage of the "IKEA Express Shuttle," which will whisk you from Pier 11 to the home furnishings hellscape for $5 Monday through Friday and for free on weekends.