It's no secret that summer in New York is akin to spending three months inside a boiling, crowded teakettle, and now, we have OFFICIAL PROOF that our incessant whining about the weather and other people's disgusting bodies is not for naught. A very legitimate study that isn't at all a marketing ploy to sell fans to people says New York is the sweatiest city in the country, and based on what I've smelled over the last couple of days I'm inclined to believe it. (AND FOR THE RECORD I WEAR DEODORANT). (EDITOR'S NOTE: HMMMM.)
The very unbiased and certainly scientific study was conducted by the makers of Honeywell Fans, who did so with absolutely no ulterior motives whatsoever, though if you're feeling particularly sweaty, they suggest you purchase the Honeywell Turbo® on the Go! Portable Folding Fan, up to you! The Honeywell folks teamed up with an environmental consulting company to look at data concerning air-conditioning, use of public transportation, average summer temperatures, and popular professions to see which cities' populations were most plagued by swamp-ass.
Our fair town was lucky enough to earn the top slot, thanks in part to its lack of omnipresent central air, though it appears ice-cold office buildings and supermarkets didn't count in that analysis. And as the city with the largest country's population and most popular public transportation system, the study rightfully found we're the most likely to end up rubbing our sweat on a stranger's sweat, creating a monstrous sweat baby that, like, all babies, will one day grow up to be disappointing.
New York also has " some of the 'hottest' professions per capita," according to the study—it appears researchers are not referring to my neighborhood barista, but to people in high-stress jobs like personal financial consultants, though those consultants presumably also work in extremely cold office buildings, so this factor seems sort of moot.
Other sweaty cities include: Washington D.C., Chicago, Miami, Boston, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Tampa, Houston and New Orleans—so, basically all the big cities with hot summers (screw you and your dry heat, Los Angeles). My, what untold mysteries scientific research helmed by a fan company unearths.