Travel & Leisure has released its annual shade-throwing "America's Best Cities" survey, and once again New York's come in dead last when it comes to cleanliness. We are also the most expensive city, and our residents are the most uptight. On the bright side, Miami has taken our old slot as the rudest city, though that's probably just a defense mechanism to cover up for an embarrassing lack of intelligence, AHAHA. The Travel & Leisure editorial team is reportedly comprised of vindictive high school yearbook editors.

The magazine did hand us accolades for our museums, luxury shopping, landmarks, sandwiches and ethnic food, though it seems most New Yorkers are too busy anxiously consulting their therapists, CPAs and fortune tellers to watch Tilda Swinton sleep or enjoy a banh mi in peace. We are somehow still dirtier than Baltimore and I, having lived in both cities, would contest that fact, but more plastic Associated bags have blown in my face in Bushwick than in Charles Village.

Other superlatives of note: Seattle is terrible at Christmas but great at coffee, Minneapolis is not a top Spring Break destination, Las Vegas fails when it comes to utilizing a charming local accent, and Anchorage, a city full of sad, fun-hating uggos, sucks all around. At least a list like this confirms we all hate Alaska.

Travel & Leisure also once proclaimed that New York's pizza paled in comparison to some grilled bullshit made in a tiny New England half-city. Further research has revealed that Travel & Leisure is actually based in NYC, so these surveys are clearly one print magazine's attempt to drive down the rent on their office.