The NY Post, like most media outlets, has (understandably) gone gaga over Pope Francis' once-in-a-lifetime visit to America. But the Post being the Post, they have to prove they are the MOST excited—to that end, they re-dubbed themselves "The New York Pope" today. Your pathetic rag of a news source says it's 78 degrees out today, but the NY Pope knows it's a "divine" 78 degrees. So yes, we concede that the NY Post definitely has the most excitement in all the land for the pontiff—except when it comes to matters of substance. For capitalism has nothing to do with morality, or something.

The Post has published over a dozen Pope-centric articles this week, with most of them coming in the last 24 hours. It's a catholic jamboree of unabated papal fanboyism...except for one. See if you can spot the outlier in the sampling below:

  • New York City welcomes Pope Francis
  • Pope Francis arrives at UN, kicking off busy day in NYC
  • Chuck Schumer: Pope Francis is ‘the best ever!’
  • New Yorkers can’t get enough of Pope Francis
  • Pope Francis blesses cancer-survivor Sandra Lee
  • Pope Francis’ visit to America has been a God-send for charities
  • Pope Francis does what de Blasio couldn’t — gets horse-drawn carriages off streets
  • Cuomo's mom was Nancy Pelosi’s guest for the pope’s address
  • Pope Francis should take a vow of silence on capitalism

Yes, everything the Pope says or does—up to and including things he had nothing to do with—is worthy of salivating coverage. Except maybe when it comes to the basic ideology this Pope very openly espouses. In that case, Post columnist Male Andrea Peyser (a.k.a. Kyle Smith) thinks Progressive Pope, beloved across the world, is really Pope Nope.

"We look to the Holy Father for spiritual guidance. Moral leadership. Reminders of eternal truths," he writes in a column titled, "Pope Francis should take a vow of silence on capitalism." Because Smith, a mere mortal with a personal hard-on for Mayor de Blasio, knows much more about this earthly world and its complications, like the merits of the Keystone Pipeline, than the Pope.

"And yet the pope came out with what amounted to a Democratic convention speech yesterday at the White House, delving into an area in which he has no expertise whatsoever, the details of President Obama’s environmental policy, and endorsing it," he continues. The Pope said something about the scientific fact that is climate change?? He declared a "right of the environment" at the UN today, adding that man has no authority to abuse it??!? That motherfucker.

Even worse: the Pope criticized capitalism! How dare he point out that "once capital becomes an idol and guides people’s decisions, once greed for money presides over the entire socioeconomic system, it ruins society." There's no evidence whatsoever that's true! Where does he get the nerve to besmirch the free market?

So it's totally awesome that the Pope blessed Sandra Lee, but when it comes to substantive issues, Smith and the Post believe the pontiff should shut his yap and make like a Miss America winner. Here's a masthead motto for The New York Pope: "All The Pope That's Fit To Shut The Fuck Up And Look Pretty While Giving Out Blessings."