In case you need to remind your mother that your life purpose is to torture her, now that her special holiday has lapsed, the Times has created a map illustrating the likelihood of marriage based on one's hometown. And good news, NYC natives! "Children who grow in New York, among other places, appear less marry at any point." At least your cat will enjoy eating your face while you die.

According to the Grey Lady's data, which looked at individuals growing up in the 1980s and 1990s, people who grow up in more liberal areas of the country are less likely to get married than those bred in the Red Hot States of LUUUUUURVE. Liberal cities like New York, San Francisco, Boston, D.C. and Chicago are most at risk for an eternity of solitude—in Manhattan and the Bronx, people are 12 percentage points less likely to marry by age 26, 30, or potentially ever, than the population average.

As for areas that strive to put a ring on it, cities like Phoenix and Salt Lake City seem to inspire marriage among their natives. In the South, wealthier children are more likely to marry, while poorer children are less likely. And overall, children who grew up in Utah, a heavily Mormon state, are 14.6 percent more likely to marry than the rest of the country; Idaho follows behind with Arkansas and Oklahoma coming in third and fourth. The study also found that people were more likely to marry in areas with lower population densities, so even blue states like Iowa and Oregon do better with "'til death do you part" than their more people-clogged left-wing counterparts.

So why are urbanite liberals bred to hate marriage? For one thing, Democrats focus less on marriage and child-rearing than Republicans do, which accounts for some of the red/blue dichotomy. The Times doesn't explain why small town folk are more likely to wife up than city-dwellers, but that seems like a good thing for this Manhattanite to discuss with her therapist.