Calling Newman: A Deptford, NJ resident was arrested after allegedly dumping 32,000 pieces of mail—which were due at a U.S. Postal Service facility—in the woods instead. According to the Courier Post, "Robert Lyons, a driver for a postal contractor, allegedly abandoned three pallets holding first-class and bulk-mail pieces in a wooded area in a West Deptford park on the night of May 24... The mail was recovered the next morning after a municipal employee spotted the pallets, the complaint says."

Lyons is not a USPS employee—he's a driver for firm Total Mail Systems, which processes the mail first. Apparently Lyons "told postal inspectors he was upset over personal issues and drinking alcohol on the night of the alleged incident... 'Lyons stated that he intended to deliver it another time' the complaint says." Who knows how many other pallets of mail are in the West Deptford woods?! "Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming, there's never a let-up. It's relentless. Every day it piles up more and more and more! And you gotta get it out but the more you get it out the more it keeps coming in. And then the bar code reader breaks and it's *Publisher's Clearing House* day!!!"