I am paralyzed by the outside world and plan to spend the weekend sitting under my coffee table clutching a copy of the Constitution. Join me, or be forced to endure wonky weekend subway work.

Here's what's on tap:

2 trains will not run in either direction between 96 St and Wakefield-241 St from 11:30 p.m. Friday to 5 a.m. Monday.

3 trains will not run at all from 11:30 p.m. Friday to 5 a.m. Monday.

4 trains will operate to and from New Lots Av from 11:30 p.m. Friday to 5 a.m. Monday.

5 trains will not run in either direction between Eastchester-Dyre Av and E 180 St from 11:30 p.m. Friday to 5 a.m. Monday.

A trains will not run in either direction between 168 St and Inwood-207 St from 11:45 p.m. Friday to 5 a.m. Monday. Trains will run along the F line in both directions from W 4 St-Wash Sq to Jay St-MetroTech during that time. From 12:01 a.m. Saturday to 5 a.m. Monday, all A trains will make local stops from W 4 St-Wash Sq to 59 St-Columbus Circle, and from 168 St to 145 St.

C trains will not run in either direction from 145 St to 168 St from 6:30 a.m. to 11 p.m. Also during that time, trains will run along the F line from W 4 St-Wash Sq to Jay St-MetroTech.

All D trains will make local stops from W 4 St-Wash Sq to 34 St-Herald Sq starting at 12:01 a.m. Saturday and ending at 5 a.m. Monday.

All E trains will reroute along the F line from 21 St-Queensbridge to W4 St-Wash Sq from 11:45 p.m. Friday to 5 a.m. Monday. Also during that period, Jamaica Center-bound trains will skip 75 Av and Briarwood. From 11:45 p.m. Friday to 6:30 a.m. Sunday, and again from 11:45 p.m. Sunday to 5 a.m. Monday, trains on the Jamaica Center-bound track will run express from the 21 St-Queensbridge F line station to 71 Av. From 12:01 a.m. Saturday to 5 a.m. Monday, Manhattan-bound trains will make local stops from 71 Av to the 21 St-Queensbridge F station.

Jamaica Center-bound F trains will skip 75 Av, Briarwood and Sutphin Blvd from 11:45 p.m. Friday to 5 a.m. Monday.

J trains will not run at all between Crescent St and Jamaica Center, with that change in effect from 6:30 a.m. to 7 p.m. on Saturday and Sunday. Manhattan-bound trains will run express from Myrtle Av to Marcy Av from 3:45 a.m. to 10 p.m. Saturday and Sunday.

Manhattan-bound M trains will run express from Myrtle Av to Marcy Av from 6:30 a.m. to 11 p.m. on Saturday, and again from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. on Sunday.

71 Av-bound R trains will run express from Queens Plaza to 71 Av from 6:30 a.m. to midnight on Saturday and Sunday.

The 42nd Street S shuttle will run overnight from 12:01 a.m. to 6 a.m. on Saturday and Sunday.