NYC Transit President and alleged subway savior Andy Byford was on 60 Minutes last night, enlightening the rest of America about the sorry state of mass transit in the greatest city in the world, and how he intends to fix it. And this morning, the MTA reminded everyone that Byford's not going to save us overnight. Maybe not ever.

At 7:11 a.m., the MTA announced that "a network communication issue" was causing delays on the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 trains.

An hour later, at the height of the morning rush, the MTA announced that "an unauthorized person on the tracks" was responsible for further delays on the 1, 2, and 3 between Chambers Street and 72nd Street. There were also problems on the L line during the 8 o'clock hour because a train's emergency brakes were activated at Myrtle-Wyckoff. Oh, and southbound B, D, N, and Q trains were delayed because of a train with mechanical problems at DeKalb Ave. Oh, and the G was screwed up because of a person in need of medical assistance at Classon Avenue.

In short, no one was spared. (Well, actually I was gifted with an incredibly rare fast and flawless commute on the F/C this morning. Even got a seat! #blessed #sorrynotsorry)

Compounding all this frustration is the cool weather, which requires extra layers above ground that become very much unnecessary when you're packed inside a hot, crowded subway car, just standing there pouring sweat on a Monday morning in October, feeling like an overcooked soggy protein nugget lodged somewhere deep in the MTA's lower intestines. Don't look at Instagram—Lauren and Jackie are still in fucking Tulum. Who has that many vacation days? Haha sob, now there's some problem with the D and the N, and a busted door on the F. You have permission to go back to bed.

If you found this commute frustrating, tell your state representatives and Governor Cuomo to stop robbing the MTA of badly needed funding and figure out a way to come up with more cash for a 21st Century transit system.