Flying on his private plane after a fundraiser, Mitt Romney sits in a semi-circle next to his most trusted advisors, who are drilling him with debate prep, when suddenly, the candidate's immaculately-tanned visage turns ashen.

Advisor 1: OK, so if the president tries to corner you about your tax returns, just keep repeating that tantalizing anecdote about Solyndra using government money to develop Furbies in China, then…Mittt? Are you alright?

Romney: Oh, yes, right, Furbies. Sorry, I just uh, I just remembered something.

Advisor 2: Sir, we already replaced your smile capacitor while you were syncing. And I fired that gardener who kept breathing weird on your azaleas yesterday.

Romney: No, it's not that. It's something I said while I was governor of Massachusetts.

Advisor 1: We're ignoring your health care plan there, remember?

Romney: No, it's was at the St. Patty's Day breakfast in 2005. I remember saying something about how I love being wealthy and famous. I definitely sounded like an ass.

Advisor 3: We'll just do a tape purge, sir.

Advisor 1: Yeah those guys at C-SPAN are pushovers.

Romney: It was definitely a sort of Friar's Club vibe, but man, I am going to come across as a smug prick if anyone sees it, especially after that whole Mother Jones thing.

Advisor 2: No one will see it, sir. Drink some lubricating fluid and relax. We'll take care of it.

Advisor 2 opens a Diet Cherry Pepsi, and hands it to Romney, who pours it directly into his ear canal. Advisor 2 motions to stocky man in Brooks Brothers Balaclava

Advisor 2: Go dump some ricin on that Kaczynski kid's apartment.

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