Back in November of last year, the FDA released 36 graphic tobacco warning labels it was considering shoving down smokers' doomed throats. There were a lot of talented contenders in the running, but this week the FDA has announced the 9 winners that will soon be charming America on cigarette packages and advertisements. And compared to some of the ones they were considering, these are pretty tame! Way to wimp out on the hardcore smoker snuff porn, FDA. Here are your nine new anti-smoking labels, plus a tenth dark horse candidate we wish the FDA had given a shot.

To be fair, the one with the poor guy smoking out of his tracheotomy is a little revolting, but the others are mostly sad PG. The warning with the decayed lungs is supposed to be disturbing, but it just comes off as abstract art, and while we like the positive spirit of the big guy with the "I quit" T-shirt, the overall tone of these warnings is sort of Dreamworks, when it should be Troma! The FDA really needs to grow a pair—why should cigarette warnings in America be bested by Egypt, New Zealand or Brazil?!

Starting in September of next year, the new cigarette health warnings will be required on the top 50 percent of both the front and rear panels of each cigarette package, and in the upper portion of each cigarette advertisement, occupying at least 20 percent of the area of the advertisement. In choosing the nine warnings, which are required under the Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act, the FDA says it consulted relevant scientific literature, more than 1,700 public comments, and results from its 18,000 person study. But we weren't consulted, and we really wish the FDA would run this stuff by us in the future.