Call it a Crisis on Ninth Ave: concrete "boobs" litter the six dumb pedestrian plazas around the avenue. Who will speak for the trendy businesses of the Meatpacking District? The Lorax can't, because he didn't make the dress code. So leave it to America's Paper the NY Post and the Meatpacking District Improvement Association to shine some light on the atrocities. "They just sit out there and do nothing," the owner of the Gaslight Lounge tells the paper, presumably unaware of their awesomely essential evolutionary purpose.

After the city installed the pedestrian areas in 2008 as part of a "DOT obsession," they have fallen into disrepair due to budgetary issues on the part of a belly-up community group. "The plazas look neglected, dirty and unkempt," the director of the MDIA says, probably because "clubgoers have taken to loitering in the plazas in-between bar hopping, filling them with trash." Why are those plazas so damn alluring for the good people who travel from far & wide to puke in? Oh, right: the boobs!

Never fear, the good people whose job it is to keep the trash business flowing into the Meatpacking District are sprucing the pedestrian plazas up with the help of the DOT, splitting the $500K renovation costs evenly. A new seventh plaza will be built, and all the areas will be fitted with "galvanized steel planters" and such. It will all be pretty enough to stage "live feeds from Fashion Week," which is really what pedestrian plazas are all about. And what will replace the ugly boobs? "Simple white cones." Apparently no one at the MDIA attended the Blonde Ambition Tour.