On the eve of a major anti-bike lane hate-in on Prospect Park West, Brooklyn Borough President Marty Markowitz has lashed out at the changes to what was once an idyllic, three lane thoroughfare. "Prospect Park West was one of the most beautiful, scenic, majestic thoroughfares in Brooklyn and the bike lane has destroyed its beauty!" declared the incorrigible cornball in an interview with The Brooklyn Paper. "[Pedestrians] cannot see bicycles on the other side of parked cars... When you cross the street children often break from their parents and there is a danger that a cyclist won’t see the kid in time — or a senior citizen!" Or a kitten—a defenseless little kitty cat could be sitting there blinking her adorable little eyes as the wheels of some bloodthirsty cyclist bear down on it!

Of course, cars and trucks have also been known to do some damage to innocent children and fragile old people, and Prospect Park West was a notoriously high-speed boulevard. According to a report from community group Park Slope Neighbors, before the bike lane 85 percent of drivers were exceeding the 30 mph speed limit. A follow-up last month showed the new street design, with two traffic lanes instead of three, has increased compliance with the speed limit five-fold, and average speeds are down about 25 percent.

But Makowitz says getoutahere with yer surveys—he never saw any problem. "I lived on Prospect Park West for eight years!" bellowed Markowitz, who previously called NYC DOT Commissioner Janette Sadik-Khan a zealot. "My windows faced it, and I rarely saw speeding. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, but I rarely saw it. [The DOT] is using Brooklyn as a guinea pig! Nobody asked for this! This is the vision of the DOT! Their belief! Their ideological approach!" And these sick ideologues won't be satisfied until all car owners are rounded up into chain gangs and forced to makeover every street into one interlocking bike lane pedestrian plaza. You know who else liked cycling, don't you? Hitler.