The Future of The GOP says that the Earth's age is "a dispute amongst theologians," and a Republican congressman from New York who lost his home in Hurricane Sandy derisively referred to global warming as an "opinion" used to justify "abuse and fraud." Purely political manipulations of facts stop being adorable and hilarious when you realize they will end human civilization: a report [PDF] released today by the World Bank details how an increase of 4°C in global temperatures by the end of the current century will end winter as we know it and obliterate the world's poorest countries.

Entitled "Turn Down the Heat" (which just narrowly beat out "LISTEN MOTHERFUCKERS: This Is Not A Game Or A Kevin Costner Movie Just Stop Being So Awful Just For A Few Measly Decades"), the report states that "While the global community has committed itself to holding warming below 2°C to prevent “dangerous” climate change," the World Bank knows that the global community is full of shit.

What is more likely to happen is reaching an increase of 4°C by 2100, which, because we've gotten so adept at exceeding global warming projections, will actually be way worse: "warming of 4°C by 2100 would actually commit the world to much higher warming, exceeding 6°C or more, in the long term."

But what does a warming of 4°C actually mean? The report's sub-headlines tell the tale: Ocean Acidification; Coastal Inundation and Loss; Risk to…Food, Water, Ecosystems, and Human Health; Disruptions and Displacements. While the entire planet would be devastated, the damage would be "inherently unequal and tilted against many of the world’s poorest regions, which have the least economic, institutional, scientific, and technical capacity to cope and adapt."

"Poor nations get fucked—what else is new?" you ask, as you stroll into your Congressional office. "As long as I get my Pumpkin Spiced Lipid Slurry in December I'm a happy camper!"

Projections for a 4°C world show a dramatic increase in the intensity and frequency of high-temperature extremes. Recent extreme heat waves such as in Russia in 2010 are likely to become the new normal summer in a 4°C world. Tropical South America, central Africa, and all tropical islands in the Pacific are likely to regularly experience heat waves of unprecedented magnitude and duration. In this new high-temperature climate regime, the coolest months are likely to be substantially warmer than the warmest months at the end of the 20th century. In regions such as the Mediterranean, North Africa, the Middle East, and the Tibetan plateau, almost all summer months are likely to be warmer than the most extreme heat waves presently experienced. For example, the warmest July in the Mediterranean region could be 9°C warmer than today’s warmest July.

Wow, better do something about carbon emissions and promoting technology that won't poison our progenitors buy up all the old Toboggans on ebay—those things are gonna be collector's items!

The report does note that "numerous studies show that there are technically and economically feasible emissions pathways to hold warming likely below 2°C," but for that to happen, leaders need to drag our A.C. wasting-asses down those pathways.

At his first press conference in 21 weeks, President Obama acknowledged that global warming was real, man-made, and vowed to "make short-term progress in reducing carbons," then have a "conversation" about what will happen long-term. We're really looking forward to the 2124 presidential race between a bucket of mercury and a french fry that's been under a McDonald's heat lamp for three weeks.