A New Jersey woman is suing East Village institution McSorley's Old Ale House because of a serious case of cat-scratch litigatory fever. Cheryl Sibley, 53, of Hasbrouck Heights, claims that she was viciously attacked by a bitchy regular at the bar in October 2009—bar cat Minnie the Second. In her lawsuit, Sibley says the "live animal" (...is there any other kind?) attack left her with "serious injuries" that required medical care. We assume it took the whole last year for her to recover from this vicious assault, and only recently was able to call her lawyer to file this incredibly important and timely lawsuit.

McSorley's owner, Matthew Maher, is shocked and confused by the allegations, and says he doesn't allow Minnie to roam the bar during drinking hours, which is a violation of city law: "I have no recollection of any attack. If I would have known, I would have been the first to call her and say 'Are you OK? Can I do anything for you?'...[Sibley] must have been here after hours," he said. As far as we're concerned, unless the cat bites through two of your fingers, you probably don't have a paw to stand on.