Thanks to the looming L train shutdown, Williamsburg rents have slipped from Three Kidney Broker Fees to Just Cut Off A Few Fingers You Don't Want.

According to a StreetEasy report, 48 percent of Williamsburg apartments listed on the site are renting for an average of $250/month less than they were two years ago. "The exodus of renters from Williamsburg as the shutdown approaches is one of the reasons for these rent declines," the report reads, adding that the buildings that are offering concessions are mainly along the L train's path, and are half a mile or more from the J/M/Z.

"All this means that renters who can cope with at least 15 months of inconvenient travel to Manhattan will likely find good deals in Williamsburg," StreetEasy cheerily notes. The shutdown, which will suspend L service between Bedford Avenue and Eighth Avenue in Manhattan for Hurricane Sandy-related tunnel repairs, begins April 2019.

Paying $3,480/month instead of $3,900/month for a two-bedroom apartment on Berry Street is sure to attract lots of discerning bargain hunters who have obscene amounts of disposable income. But the report also notes that "landlords have to compete with each other in a market that has 25 percent more inventory than it did last year."

That means one or two months free at The Level, where a one-bedroom rents for $3,281/month. Level's brokers kindly remind us to keep some perspective on the 15-weekend L train shutdown that comes before the 15-month shutdown: "Brooklyn’s iconic Williamsburg neighborhood is constantly evolving and reminding us of its importance on the pulse of the global cultural compass" (don't forget to pay your $65/month Level 9 membership fee to use your amazing amenities!!!!)

StreetEasy admits that "in general, concessions are mostly applied to new buildings," but older buildings like 65 Richardson are also offering one month free. Based on these photos of a $3,000/month two-bedroom, that means one month of free rent, but 12 months free of natural sunlight.

Picture it: it's August of 2019, the L train is dormant, and all of Williamsburg's gentrifying scaredy cats have fled for their apartments in Long Island City. Meanwhile, you're riding the New L to work every day, so you're able to catch up on podcasts you love. You don't go into the City as much on weeknights so you can maintain that protein shake/gut food regimen you've been telling yourself you'd try. You're just a better, richer, happier version of yourself. You can't afford not to move to Williamsburg. Thanks, L train shutdown!