It's back to the Bad Old Days in Tompkins Square Park, where dog owners have begun carrying assorted weapons to protect themselves and their pooches against vicious attacks. According to DNA Info, the residents are carrying knives, hammers, billy clubs, and metal rods to the park after recent pit bull attacks at the dog run there. Local dog owner Garrett Rosso listed all of the attacks in a recent letter to the editor at the Villager, explaining five dogs and three people have been brought to the hospital during a two-month time span.

The Parks Department spokesman has reportedly met with the NYPD as well as community groups, and some sort of secret undercover units have since been dispatched all 21 Jump Street-style. Locals aren't putting their trust in these undercovers, however, and 62-year-old John Juback has taken to carrying a serrated kitchen knife with him—his dog was attacked in October. He told the site, "If I was in the same situation again I would stab the pit bull in the neck or the chest as much as I could... I will not stand there and watch my dog potentially be killed." Yes, down with killing dogs! Unless you are the one killing the dogs! By repeatedly stabbing them with a serrated kitchen knife!

The armed locals think the dogs are coming from the Social Tees Animal Rescue Shelter on East Fourth Street—but owner Robert Shapiro says he stopped letting volunteers walk pit bulls over the summer and that all he can do with people who adopt pit bulls from him "is tell them not to take the dogs into the dog run."

Until the human/pit bull stand-off reaches a climactic and bloody end, some locals are getting educated. As one rottweiler owner says, "these dogs could be raised for evil, too... [but] you can breed the evil out of them"... or maybe you can exorcise the evil out of them. The East Village really is in need of a Doggie Exorcism Daycare joint (trend alert!).