I typically like to preface these subway weekend rundown posts with a cutesy little intro, but it's not worth it this week—nearly every single line is besieged with service changes, and it's not hyperbolic at all to say we're all going to die. In fact, we're already dead, and as Sartre once said, Hell is other people, provided all those people are packed into one non air-conditioned A train that might also be an F train depending on how it feels that day.

Here's what on tap this weekend:

1 trains will not run in either direction between 14 St and South Ferry, starting at 11:20 p.m. on Saturday and ending at 5 a.m. on Monday. During that period, uptown trains will skip 18 St, 23 St and 28 St; downtown trains will skip 28 St, 23 St and 18 St on days and evenings. Van Cortlandt Park-242 St bound 1 trains will make express stops from 96 St to 145 St from 11:45 p.m. Friday to 5 a.m. Monday.

2 trains will not run in either direction between E 180 St and 3 Av-149 St, starting at 3:30 a.m. Saturday and ending at 10 p.m. Sunday.

3 trains will not run in either direction between Crown Hts-Utica Av and New Lots Av from 6:30 a.m. to 11:30 p.m. on Saturday and Sunday.

Woodlawn-bound 4 trains will make express stops from Brooklyn Bridge-City Hall to 14 St-Union Sq from 11:45 p.m. Friday to 7:30 a.m. Sunday, and again from 11:45 p.m. Sunday to 5 a.m. Monday. All 4 trains will be suspended between Crown Hts-Utica Av and New Lots Av from 11:30 p.m. Friday to 7:30 a.m. Sunday, and again from 11:30 p.m. Sunday to 5 a.m. Monday.

There will be no 5 service from 11:45 p.m. Friday to 5 a.m. Monday.

Pelham Bay Park 6 trains will run express from Brooklyn Bridge-City Hall to 14 St-Union Sq, starting at 11:45 p.m. Friday and ending at 5 a.m. Monday. Brooklyn Bridge-City Hall bound 6 trains will run express from Hunts Point Av to 3 Av-138 St during that period.

Inwood-207 St-bound A trains will reroute along the F line from Jay St-MetroTech to W 4 St-Wash Sq, starting at 11:45 p.m. Friday and ending at 5 a.m. Monday. On that same track, A trains will run express from 59 St-Columbus Circle to 125 St, with that change in effect from 11:45 p.m. Saturday to 6:30 a.m. Sunday, and again from 11:45 p.m. Sunday to 5 a.m. Monday. On the Brooklyn-bound track, A trains will skip 50 St, 23 St and Spring St, from 11:45 p.m. Friday to 6:30 a.m. Sunday, and again from 11:45 p.m .Sunday to 5 a.m. Monday. And From 11:45 p.m. Friday to 5 a.m. Monday, A trains will not run at all between Ozone Park-Lefferts Blvd and Rockaway Blvd.

168 St-bound C trains will run along the F line from Jay St-MetroTech to W 4 St-Wash Sq, starting at 6:30 a.m. and ending at 11 p.m. on Saturday and Sunday. On that same track on Sunday, C trains will run express from 59 St to 125 St. Brooklyn-bound C trains will skip 50 St, 23 St and Spring street from 6:30 a.m. to 11 p.m. on Sunday.

Coney Island-Still Av bound D trains will reroute along the N line from 36 St to Coney Island-Stillwell Av, starting at 3:45 a.m. Saturday and ending at 10 p.m. Sunday.

Jamaica Center-Parsons/Archer bound E trains will make express stops from Queens Plaza to Forest Hills-71 Av, with that change in effect from 12:15 a.m. to 6:30 a.m. Saturday and Sunday, and again from 12:15 a.m. to 5 a.m. Monday. On the same track, from 12:15 a.m. Saturday to 5 a.m. Monday, E trains will skip 75 Av and Briarwood.

Coney Island-Stillwell Av bound F trains will reroute along the E line from Roosevelt Av to W4 St-Wash Sq, and then via the A line to Jay St-MetroTech; that change is in effect from 11:45 p.m. Friday to 5 a.m. Monday. Jamaica-179 St bound F trains will make express stops between Neptune Av and Smith-9 Sts from 11:45 p.m. Friday to 5 a.m. Monday. On that same track, F trains will skip 75 Av, Briarwood and Sutphin Blvd from 12:15 a.m. Saturday to 5 a.m. Monday.

Jamaica Center-Parsons/Archer bound J trains will run express between Marcy Av and Myrtle Av from 6:45 a.m. to 7 p.m. Saturday and from 8:45 a.m. to 7 p.m. Sunday.

L trains will operate between 8 Av and Broadway Junction, and then between Broadway Junction and Canarsie-Rockaway Parkway every 24 minutes, from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. on Satuday and Sunday.

Metropolitan Av-bound M trains will make express stops from 6:45 a.m. to 7 p.m. Saturday and from 8:45 a.m. to 7 p.m. Sunday.

Downtown N trains will skip 49 St from 11:45 p.m. Friday to 5 a.m. Monday. Astoria-Ditmars Blvd bound N trains will reroute along the D line from Coney Island-Stillwell Av to 36 St, starting at 11:45 p.m. Friday and ending at 5 a.m. Monday.

Manhattan-bound Q trains will run express from Kings Hwy to Prospect Park, starting at 11:15 p.m. Friday and ending at 5 a.m. Monday. Brooklyn-bound Q trains will skip 49 St from 11:45 p.m. Friday to 6:30 a.m. Sunday, and again from 11:45 p.m. Sunday to 5 a.m. Monday.

Forest Hills-71 Av bound R trains will make express stops from Queens Plaza to Forest Hills-71 Av, from 6:30 a.m. to 11 p.m. on Saturday and Sunday. Brooklyn-bound R trains will skip 49 St during that period.