In a hotly anticipated ruling, a Bronx judge has handed down his decision in the matter of the People v. Saggy Pants. Or, to be more precise, the People v. Julio Martinez, who was issued a disorderly conduct summons on 4/20 last year because he was wearing "his pants down below his buttocks exposing underwear [and] potentially showing private parts." If the summons had been upheld, the ensuing ticket frenzy could have easily hoisted NYC out of its budget crunch, with money left over for a monorail. But slacktivist judge Ruben Franco has ruled that saggy pants are legal:

While most of us may consider it distasteful, and indeed foolish, to wear ones pants so low as to expose the underwear, as the Court stated in O'Gorman, "people can dress as they please, wear anything, so long as they do not offend public order and decency."... Moreover, "the Constitution still leaves some opportunity for people to be foolish if they so desire."

You can't argue with that. According to Penal Law §240.20(7), i.e. Disorderly Conduct, a person is guilty when of violating the law when he intentionally "causes public inconvenience, annoyance or alarm, or recklessly creates the risk thereof when he creates a hazardous or physically offensive condition by any act serving no legitimate purpose." But the offensive conduct must be "public in nature and must cause inconvenience, annoyance, or alarm to a substantial segment of the public." Apparently, Judge Franco isn't annoyed or offended by dudes who wear their pants around their knees, and he cites Wikipedia when delving into the style's "roots in this country's prison system where inmates are issued uniforms which are often too big and the wearing of belts is prohibited due to safety concerns."

While acknowledging that other towns and cities across America have taken action to criminalize sagging pants, Judge Franco points out that New York has no such legislation. So it's up to you, Albany. And indeed, State Senator Eric Adams has been confronting the crisis since April with his "Stop the Sag" campaign. But are PSAs enough? Clearly, we need tough new laws to, ahem, crack down on this fashion trend, and put offenders behind bars where they belong, or at least rehabilitate them on work farms out in Sag Harbor.