Celebrated actor and alleged homophobe Alec Baldwin strolled into a Manhattan court today looking sharp and suave, one cool middle age customer incapable of blowing his stack and screaming "c---sucking f-g" in the middle of the street. Wearing a navy blazer, grey pants and a black shirt, his hair perfectly coiffed, this was the Baldwin you'd love to sip tea with and talk Debussy. Or, if you're Judge John Delury, this is the Baldwin who starred in that picture Search for Red October. Great flick. Great freakin flick.

Baldwin was standing tall before the Man to answer for his sins. Or one of them anyway. As you'll recall, B-Win was arrested after a confrontation with cops who tried to ticket him for bicycling the wrong way up Fifth Avenue. From the memory hole:

After he was asked for ID, Baldwin became "belligerent," and "cursed" at the officers. He was taken into custody at the 13th Precinct and given a summonses for driving the wrong way and disorderly conduct.

An NYPD spokeswoman told us that he became "belligerent" after being stopped and "cursed" at the officers. "He was not calm & quiet he was rude and condensing to both female officers," says a witness who emailed us about the altercation. When asked to be more specific about Baldwin's demeanor and what he told the officers, they replied, "He had a wild eyed expression and said something like 'Oh, really and you studied for how long?' But I did not hear the context in which the question was asked."

Today Judge Delury wasn't really concerned about who said what to whom or which cop failed to recognize the star of It's Complicated. "Mr. Baldwin, you don’t have a lawyer?” the judge asked, according to the Wall Street Journal, adding coyly, “You can’t afford a lawyer? You don’t want one? I saw you in a movie - you’re in Search for Red October, right?” Ha wake up Judge, the film is called Full Metal Blazer.

"Hunt for Red October," a confused Baldwin told the judge.

"That’s a good movie," Delury said as he pretended to consider the charges. "Looks like you have a short fuse." The star was then asked if he would be willing to apologize, but you do not ask that of Mr. Baldwin. "I’d rather pay a fine," Baldwin cooly replied.

In the end, there was no fine and no apology. Judge Delury asked the Thomas & Friends: Engine Friends narrator, "Can you stay out of trouble, Alexander?" Baldwin said, "Sure, sure." Translation: WHATEVER. Judge Delury then told the Knots Landing star, "Be a good boy from now on. Have a good day." But can you just do the Always Be Closing speech before you go?

The charges will be dropped as long as The Adventures of Pluto Nash star stays out of trouble for the next six months. And thus Alexander was on his way, never to bike the wrong way or indulge in a "race rant" again... or at least not until midnight on January 25th 2015.