Jon Stewart and The Daily Show returned last night with a two-part segment on the most important story of the day: Ad-Rock's NY1 guitar strap Ebola. Broadcasting from Austin, Texas, the first segment began with Stewart taking the stage wearing a Hazmat suit and lugging a box full of rifles. It went on to report that Austin plans to one-up the Ebola situation in Dallas by "brewing its own locally-sourced small batch fair trade organic fair trade farm-to-table Ebola."

Following the zany "Texas Ebol 'Em" segment, Stew-Beef turned his attention back to New York City, skewering the breathless Ebola coverage in the media, as well as Governors Christie and Cuomo's decision to impose mandatory quarantines on health care workers who've had direct contact with ebola patients. The heart of the segment is Christie's brusque treatment of the healthy nurse he forced into quarantine, and Stewart's timeless question about the Garden State governor's incessant dickishness. (Dickeshness? Dickishness.)

It all concludes with a beautiful Twilight Zone homage over at the dreaded Camera Three.