Yesterday, combover enthusiast Donald Trump finally revealed his highly anticipated "October Surprise"...which turned out to be a plea for people across America to "look at me, dear God why won't you look at me??!?" Both Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert took a few minutes out of their shows to eviscerate Trump and his Birther paranoia, starting with Stewart, who showed a clip of Trump's announcement: "I'm sorry, that wasn't Donald Trump essentially trying to publicly extort the President of the United States. That was a gorilla eating its own shit." Watch below.
Colbert was able to get to the bottom of why Trump put a Halloween deadline on his charitable extortion: "He's renting out his enormous orange head as a jack-o-lantern." But he one-upped Trump with his own can't refuse offer: "I am so moved by this generous offer that I have an offer of my own. Mr. Trump, I will write you a check for $1 million from Colbert SuperPAC—you know I've got it—to the charity of your choice. Save the children, feed the children, put the children on Child Apprentice, whatever...if you will let me dip my balls in your mouth." All of America is eagerly awaiting your response, Mr. Trump.