We cannot even begin to tell you how many boxes of Kleenex, blister packs of Claritin, and bottles of eye droplets we go through every spring to combat the evil allergies Mother Nature throws our way. It sucks. But this year, we've been swearing it sucks harder than usual, and it turns out we were right! It IS the worst allergy season ever, and now we have SCIENCE backing it up, so excuse us while we shoot pollen-induced snot into every open space within a 30-mile radius.

Allergists are reporting a doubling and tripling of patients, and one Brooklyn doctor, Clifford Basset, had to hire three new staffers to deal with the influx of itchy-eyed new patients. "The allergy misery index is rising," said Dr. Bassett, while another MD, Dr. Boyan Hadjiev, who goes by "Dr. Sneeze," confirmed that this is "the worst season" he's seen in his seven years of practice in Manhattan. Why does it have to be like this? We knew it was a bad idea to plant a million extra trees!

Well, actually, it's not really the trees' fault. Turns out that pollen levels are so high because of all this nice weather we've been having, with no storm to wash it away. And some pollen is even being carried over from New Jersey! (Although Dr. Bassett does say that hair gel is "a pollen magnet," so we're not entirely sure why it's not all getting stuck in on the Jersey Shore.)