We all laughed when that CBS 2 reporter suggested that terrorists could utilize bike lanes to wreak havoc on innocent bystanders, but today we stand humbled and afraid: two "bicycle bandits" have struck in Greenwich Village. Police say that a pair of thieves on "silver bicycles" approached a 21-year-old man at East 10th Street and University Place around 12:40 a.m. Monday morning, told him they had a gun, and robbed him of his money and other items, DNAinfo reports. We kindly ask DOT Commissioner Janette Sadik-Khan for several thousands of gallons of paint thinner, so that we may erase those ghastly bike lanes ourselves on bended knee.
The NYPD describes the male suspects as being between the ages of 20 and 30, roughly 5'8", and weighing between 160-170 lbs. They were wearing white t-shirts at the time of the incident. Given that they're one of the precious few people in the city who ride bicycles, they should be easy to spot, although we advise contacting crimestoppers versus being a hero.