This morning I walked out of my air-conditioned bedroom into my non-air conditioned living room and was certain I would collapse and melt. I did not, but HOLY HELL it is hot out there—we've already broken 80 on the temperature and humidity front, and it's only going to get worse. 94 degrees worse. Though that wall of water vapor and sadness will make it feel more like, oh, 106 degrees. Oh well, who needs to breathe anyway!

Indeed, as predicted, today is steamy, sticky, and potentially life-threatening—there's an excessive heat warning in effect for the city, along with parts of Long Island and Westchester County, until 8 a.m. tomorrow. Tomorrow is a long way away, and even then, this miserable weather's expected to stretch out until Monday, so expect to spend much of this weekend wrapped around an air-conditioner while you dream of your PSL & sweater-clad future.

The city's cooling centers are open today, and Mayor de Blasio will hold a press conference at noon to discuss tips for staying safe during this current sweat wave. It also looks like some thunderstorms will come our way this afternoon, so keep that in mind, lest you ruin your shoes like I did yesterday.

Stay hydrated... but learn from the mistakes of your forbearers: