Times Square, once a potpourri of porn shops, peep shows, and prostitution, has long since been Giuliani-fied into a tourist's Disney World, complete with a giant Toys 'R Us and grifting cartoon characters. But Times Square's family-friendly environment is UNDER ATTACK, according to the Post, thanks to a panhandler who's been welcoming newcomers to the area with a sign reading: "Fuck You!!! Pay Me!!!!!!! I need money 4 Drugz & Hoez & Weaponz Mother Fuckerz!" New Yorkers are nothing if not honest.
The tabloid reports that 36-year-old Daniel Kimery was spotted advertising Taylor Swift's original lyrics near 43rd Street and Broadway yesterday, which is prime tourist fodder, considering its proximity to a Starbucks, the Hard Rock Cafe, and a pedicab tour station. And people were not happy—"The entire situation just wasn’t right. I could tell something was off with that bum in the green shirt from the second I saw him,” tourist Robb Hueston told the Post. Hueston hails from Dallas, a city in which people once carried guns into a Chipotle to prove...something. "I have small children, and my kids don’t need to be reading that kind of offensive garbage," he told the tabloid.
Not that Kimery, who was once involved with Occupy Wall Street, doesn't need some help. He's got a minor arrest record, with charges including turnstile-jumping, open container-carrying, sleeping on a restaurant terrace, and breaking a bathroom door inside Trinity Church. It appears he may be suffering from mental health issues, having reportedly yelled " “f-king n—ers” during his arrest for the latter crime.
Still, it's the bright-eyed Midwestern children who are truly suffering. "It sickens me knowing people like this are standing around with signs like that when families are here," a tourist who has presumably never seen Cookie Monster punch a kid, told the Post. "I’ve read stories about those Occupy people in the news. It’s sad, but that’s the kind of person their group attracts."
Don't worry, tourist children, your souls are safe for now—Kimery was reportedly arrested yesterday for trying to break a Post photographer's camera. The NY Post is winning the Culture war, one sneering, money-losing article at a time.