When an inside trading scandal is as puny as the one against Winnie "The Poohster" Jiau (hedge funds paid her $200K for tips, which is how much Lloyd Blankfein's iPad case cost) it's only natural to seize on the more titillating aspects of the case, like how a witness against her somehow testified about his bad mushroom trip. Totally told you to stay away from those purple ones bro!

The Post reports that a top government witness against Jiau, Noah Freeman, told a jury during his cross examination about his "terrible experience with hallucinogenic mushrooms" which culminated with him "wandering the streets of San Francisco in his underwear" until an ambulance picked him up. Once at the hospital, Freeman declined to give his name because his employer, SAC Capital, has a "no drugs" policy. Curiously their "running around the Bay Area naked" policy seems to be nonexistent.

Freeman also testified that he "paid a bill of 'a couple thousand dollars' at a Taiwan karaoke bar known for prostitutes," saying that he did so to please his clients and "was never sure what happened." Jiau's whole case is tacky when compared to folks like Madoff and Raj Rajaratnam. She received a gift of lobsters from the funds she was tipping off, but left them for dead at FedEx, and returned a boutique gift because she wanted a $300 gift card at the Cheesecake Factory. The firms who profited from these illegal trades haven't been charged, because it's easier to win cases against people who commit felonies for Cheesecake Factory gift certificates.