There comes a time in every respectable adult's life when they find themselves wanting more. You've worked hard to earn that degree from Davidson/Hampshire/Bennington, dammit, and you have had had it up to here with living like you went to public school.

You've thought about this decision for some time, and you've finally decided. It's time to alert your parents that from now on, they will be making rent checks out to 101 Bedford, a new residential "community" in Williamsburg for those who appreciate the finer things in life and are still maybe a little uncertain about what exactly is meant by "separating" laundry.

"Some people simply have higher standards. Their tastes are more elevated, their needs are more sophisticated, and their lives more cultivated," reads a brochure for 101 Bedford. To illustrate such sophisticated cultivation, the brochure then treats future tenants to a photo of a couple nuzzling an enormous stuffed dog:


101 Bedford is a place for people like you. Successful people. Poorer friends will roll their eyes and point out that there's no way you paid for your fully-stocked Stoli bar—complete with all 18 flavors, including Ohranj and Peachik—using the travel stipend from your Buzzfeed internship, but what those assholes don't know is that you just landed a highly desirable position as a lifestyle associate at the new Urban Outfitters Center For Impeccably Flung Hair.

Once you've had a restorative weep into the polyester fur of your own fake dog because you have this kickass apartment and all this Stoli and positively zero friends, head on down to the VivaciPlex, where you can take in a movie with other Members. Gather around the 900-square-foot screen, and grin toothily at the feature film, "Antichrist," a comedy in which a baby falls out a window. Stupid baby! The movie isn't in 3-D, but the glasses cover your eyes, swollen from your earlier tear-binge.


Once the movie is over, you head on over to the Business VivaCenter with your new friends, ready to do some research about the movie. "Can foxes really self-cannibalize?" Steve laughs, sitting down at the computer. "Let's Google it!" you all cheer in unison. Cheyenne leaves the room to get the DMT, and everyone else crowds around Steve. You think about taking your Google Glass out of your shirt-pocket, but decide against it. This moment isn't just about you—it's about bonding with your new friends. Your new home. Your new Lifestyle Community.


Want to learn more about Vivacity Lifestyle Management and life at 101 Bedford? Well, you can't. Neither Vivacity's website ( nor their phone number (718-384-1491) appear to work. Only time will tell if this is all just some sort of secret genius-level George Saunders parody of bourgeois yupsterficiation.