It's too hot to do it in a car, and futons kill the mood, so it stands to reason that teenagers would take to the metal chaise lounges outside the Red Hook IKEA to copulate. "It's condom central. The lawn chairs are a bordello," one resident tells DNAinfo. "I have a 5-year-old who plays hide-and-go-seek over there…You always have to be careful that they don't find any squishy balloons." No word on whether IKEA is planning on stopping the sex by distributing their own condoms, which require four different sized allen wrenches and a nailgun to assemble.

21-year-old Jonathan Morris best summarizes why teenagers get down at IKEA: "Kids got nowhere else to go." Still, why not stretch out on the High Line, or in Prospect Park, or lean a cardboard box against the back of a Dominos Pizza because, you know, they're teenagers? "It's peaceful, away from all the noise and commotion," 17-year-old Trayvon says. Monia, 16, adds, "There are lights that are purple and blue and change color. It's beautiful, like a wedding thing." That explains the most popular prom theme of 2012: IKEA Nights.

The store, including the Erie Basin Park where the all the love is being made, closes at 9 p.m. "This is the first time we've heard of it," IKEA rep Lorna Montalvo says, confirming the whispers of countless teenagers telling their partners that "Everything is fine, they never come out here, just move your leg a little." Montalvo assures the neighborhood that the store is "going to increase sweeps in the park at night with our overnight security, and we're working with the 76th Precinct, which also sweeps the park." Pour some Boone's Farm out for the IKEA chaise lounges—here's hoping Wal-Mart gives the city's teenagers a public place to shag.