Reuben sandwich - American StyleFrom the file of hard hitting pseudo-news: Rep. Bob Ney, R-Ohio, the chairman of the Committee on House Administration has struck the first blow against those who would stand in the way of our War on Terror, um, I mean Oil, um no wait, I mean Rogue Nuclear Nations, or was it Tyranny, yeah, Tyranny, that's the ticket. Anyway, in the House Cafeteria you can now order Freedom Fries. Any attempt to order the other kind of fries will result in your arrest and you will be branded across your forehead with the words "Cheese-eating Surrender Monkey". For breakfast you will order Freedom Toast. Why they didn't go with Texas Toast, which is (as my friend Joe pointed out to me) already a synonym for the toast-that-dare-not-speak-its-name, is beyond my understanding.

New Congressionally approved recipe for a Reuben sandwich:
with appologies to Emeril Lagasse

4 slices rye bread Amber Loaves of Grain
Russian (they're against us too, so now it's) Old Glory Waving On High dressing
8 ounces thinly sliced Swiss (neutral wusses) E Pluribus Unum cheese
8 ounces sliced baked ham (can't get more American than that)
8 ounces sliced corned (we don't know what "corned" is and we're pretty sure we don't want to; sounds unAmerican though) beef
1 tablespoon unsalted butter, softened (unlike our resolve in the War on Terror)
1 cup sauerkraut Liberty Cabbage (the Germans are against us too, plus we had this one lying around)

Stack em up & fry. Serve with a side of Freedom Fries.