NBA Commissioner David Stern has announced that the currently locked-out NBA will be forced to move one step closer to canceling the whole season soon. The remainder of the preseason has already been wiped clean, and Stern said yesterday that if no deal if hammered out by next Monday, the league would cancel the first two weeks of the season. On the plus side, at least this will give the Nets organization more free time to contemplate how they might appeal to what ESPN calls Brooklyn's largest demographic—"its thriving hipster community."

ESPN's Page 2 put together some "humorous" ideas for possible marketing campaigns for the team, which is set to move into the Barclays Center for the 2012/2013 season. They suggest in-game music by "a great band you've never heard," lots of unicycle parking, and locally-grown celery in the concession stands, among other things.

While we're sure special sodas, Kremlin-style drapery and awkward chandeliers will pack in the horn-rimmed glasses types, maybe there are some more things they can do to attract the beards and leggings crowd. Perhaps having owner Jay-Z pitch in on the hype man work at their Carnival-esque halftime shows might help. Or maybe just more breakdancing kids.