Imagine you're at one of New York City's "beloved" "Midtown" "rooftop" bars, enjoying the view of a bunch of other buildings, a $28 cocktail in hand, when a gentleman with a Chainsmokers haircut sidles up to you. You think he's going to start talking to you about how McKinsey got a perfect score on the Human Rights Campaign Foundation's 2016 corporate equality index, but you are mistaken indeed.
"See that spire?" he says, pointing to the stick on top of that H&M building. "I'm going to make it my bitch." He whips out his phone, hits some buttons, you look at the stick, and indeed, it has gone from blue to red. Is this man Zeus in disguise? Are you impressed? Will you bang him?
These are the questions unwittingly posed by the Wall Street Journal article on "Spireworks," an exclusive app that allows consultants, CEOs, and dudes who wake up at 4 a.m. to buy the new iPhone to change the spire lights atop two Midtown buildings. The app was designed by digital media artist Mark Domino, whose family owns spire-topped One Bryant Park and 4 Times Square—Domino built the algorithm that controls those spires' lights, and he's shared that power with about 10,000 other individuals through the app.
"Spireworks" is invite-only, though, and so like Verified Twitter from the days of yore, it's a hot commodity. So hot, in fact, that some users are using it in bars to impress the ladies and get laid. Domino told the WSJ that he was sad his toy was diluted by lust, noting that "in a recent survey of Spireworks users, bartenders at the Boom Boom Room, a millennial hot spot atop the Meatpacking District’s Standard Hotel, complained the club was saturated with men using the app to try to seduce women."
It makes sense. With Aziz Ansari having laid claim to solid gold dating pickup lines like, "Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?" it appears the men of New York are in search of new ways to find and bone women, and considering how impressive it is when a date uses a sentence in a text instead of just winky faces pointing to an eggplant, I can see how this small feat is a panty dropper.
Of course, if you aren't one of the providential few gifted with this thrilling spire power—those surveyed by the WSJ included a broker, a consultant, and a 36-year-old CEO—you'll have to rely on those Elizabethan tricks of good conversation and kindness if you wanna get it in. So learned one Bostonian, James Geraci, who visited New York over Memorial Day and tweeted at Spireworks to get an invite. According to the Journal, Geraci was planning to entertain some females in a hotel room near the spires, and he "thought the app would be a 'power move of a pickup line'."
Things didn't go so well for Geraci, though, who never got a response and "ended up having to try to impress the girls the old-fashioned way." Manually flicking the hotel room lights on and off really fast while playing "Jump Around" on your Droid is just as impressive, really.