NYC Condoms are truly an excellent form of birth control thanks to how godawful they are—many New Yorkers would prefer to forgo coitus altogether than get involved with one of those things. (Sources say they're "numbing"...let's leave it there.) The Health Department announced today that the condoms, though still thick as a gym sock dipped in glue then stuffed in another gym sock, are getting a new look, in addition to being made available in "KYNG" size.
"The new NYC Condom wrapper will be blue and more prominently feature the LifeStyles® brand name to emphasize that they are the same high-quality LifeStyles® product available in stores," a press release says. "In addition, New Yorkers will now for the first time be able to choose the NYC “KYNG” Condom, an extra-large LifeStyles® condom branded with the NYC Condom logo. Both are currently in production and will be available throughout the city this summer."
Christine Quinn promised that, if elected, she would improve upon the maligned prophylactics—Bill de Blasio made no such promise, preferring instead to focus his campaign on universal pre-K. (Irony!) The new packaging may not impact the quality of the actual condom, but it does make a point of notifying dissatisfied users that if they've got a problem with their rubbers, they should take it up with LifeStyles®—they're the ones manufacturing condoms out of old tires.
That said, the condom campaign has seen enormous success since its debut in 2007, the Health Department having distributed almost 250 million in "bars, clubs, restaurants, nail salons, barber shops, as well as hospitals, clinics and community based organizations."
Next up: The NYC-branded condom gun! If that doesn't make you never want to have sex again, nothing will.