Nothing takes the sting out of getting laid off like a bottle of Night Train and a good cry. But Hallmark thinks we can do better, and in the spirit of our country's 9.1% unemployment rate, the company that sells feelings for $3 has created a new category: "Loss of Job." The cards will sit next to the "Sorry I Screwed My Stepdad" and "Our Condolences About Your Back Hair" sections.
One card takes the serious route, noting that "your job is not who you are. You have many great qualities, and that's what really matters." It should be noted that "good qualities" cannot be used to pay down a mortgage, credit card debt, or student loans. The second, "cute" card boasts a talking dog who tells you, "Don't think of it as losing your job. Think of it as a break between bad bosses." Oh, yeah? Don't think of getting neutered as "getting your testicles chopped off," think of it as, "A way to finally become a castrato and sing at the Met."
A psychologist and CBS Early Show contributor says the cards aren't a bad idea, because, "The more you talk about something, the better off it can be." Closely behind "talking" on the list of effective therapeutic actions is "punching." Specifically, punching anyone who hands you a card trivializing the loss of your job.