Between the pseudo-affairs, the talk show lies, and the weepy news conferences, Weinergate has stirred up a lot of negative feelings for Rep. Anthony Weiner. But within this strange, sad ongoing saga, we knew there had to lay some gilded fruits. So we went through all of Weiner's sexts and smutty Facebook messages, in order to draw water from the X-rated stone. Below, you can read through 14 haikus born from Weiner's erotically charged mind. (Note: we took some artistic liberties with the sexts to make things work...but these are all his words)


1. what are you wearing?
stalk me baby. very hot
glad you have my back

2. yeah, big time, guilty
nope, not sweet, crazy dirty
make me an offer

3. it needs your pussy
juice, you give good head?
wow, a jewish girl

4. I'm horny a lot
truth telling during the day
I'm pretty chatty

5. off to the shower.
I was punching the speaker.
you watch it naked?

6. this thing is ready
out. about. the usual.
it won't go away

7. I'll hit you later
but looking down I'd say yes.
did my moment pass?

8. my tights really itch
stop staring at my weapon!
I was on tv

9. yeah, the joke's on me
hang out in airport bathrooms
yeah, that's where trolls troll

10. with me behind you
cant we both watch daily show
with me behind you

11. little?! ouch. youd be
surprised how big. dunno. you
like me big and fat

12. what are you wearing?
I missed it. sorry sweetie
I dont remember

13. taking him to bed.
how did I miss this chance to
rock your world by phone?

14. this thing is ready
your little pic makes me hard
whoa. looks like i am