In February 2011, a man stole a cab from his cab driver and crashed it into a traffic light in Union Square. He testified in court yesterday, offering the jury various reasons why they should go easy on him. Like: “I was drunk!"

Michael Findley, who was 31 at the time of the crash, was charged with robbery, reckless endangerment, driving while impaired by alcohol, grand larceny, disobeying a red light, driving the wrong way on a one-way street and speeding. He had been picked up on Bowery and asked to be driven to the West Village, but an argument apparent broke out over Findley's fried rice (he spilled). Findley also allegedly called a friend and said he had no cash. Driver Mohammed Latif got into an argument with Findley, which culminated in the driver demanding that Findley get out at Lafayette and Houston—but then the passenger allegedly went around to the driver's side and punched Latif, shoved him into the shotgun seat and began driving. Latif jumped out a few blocks later.

Findley, who has reportedly been arrested 15 other times since arriving in NYC in 2007, is representing himself (last year, he told the court, "Here's all I want to let you know. I don't have an attorney. I'm sui juris. I'm a flesh and blood man. I'm not a corporation. I'm sui juris! I'm compos mentis!"). The Daily News reports, "The bearded Ohio native... also said he was high on cocaine at the time."

Also, Findley claimed that Latif "started touching me on my thighs, on my butt, between my legs," which the prosecutors said was untrue.