At long last, Gotham's police force has taken action to save the city from two reckless vigilante "superheroes" who have been terrorizing citizens with their lawless brand of street justice. Yesterday a group of doughty NYPD officers—fed up with the costly destruction unleashed upon our fair city by those masked outlaws "Batman" and "Superman"—spotted the two renegade freaks in Times Square and attempted to bring them to justice. According to The New York Post, officers tried booking the super-zeros on a charge of "performing in costume in public" without a license—but the only thing these two clowns were performing was civil disobedience.
And naturally these two goons, who presume themselves to be above the law, weren't about to go down without a fight. When the men in tights refused to produce proper identification, officers quickly cuffed Batman, while Superman flew off, screaming, "I'm not getting arrested!" Witness Ryan McCormick tells the Post, "The Man of Steel didn't go down with just two officers, it took seven officers! He was putting up a good fight. Little kids were like, 'Mommy, it's Superman!' " The Batman quickly confessed that Superman, his cowardly cohort, "freaked out and punched the girl cop in the face."
Police have revealed Superman's identity as one Maksim Katsnelson, 23, of The Bronx; he was charged with assault and resisting arrested. And the so-called "Dark Knight" has been exposed as Maine resident Frank Frisoli (not billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne, as some have speculated). Frisoli insists his double life as a masked avenger was harmless, and that he and Katsnelson were "were just having a good time."
For some reason, officers inexplicably let Frisoli walk away after the incident, and we suspect that, once again, a phone call from his buddy the Police Commissioner played no small part in his release. And The Post reports that the Batman was last seen darting away with yet another new menace to society: a costumed crusader who calls herself "The Statue of Liberty." Taxpayers will no doubt have to foot the bill for her reckless torch-brandishing soon enough!