Last night was the 756th GOP debate, and all eight candidates did their best to ensure that Republicans will nominate Mitt Romney. As the Washington Post puts it, the party's base has "turned their attention to the latest candidate to capture their fancy," and that man of the hour is Herman Cain, who saw other candidates criticizing his 9-9-9 plan for tax reform. Jon Huntsman said, "I thought it was the price of a pizza when I first heard about it," and Michele Bachmann noted, "when you take the 9-9-9 plan and you turn it upside down, I think the devil is in the details." We are really typing this: Michele Bachmann is right.

But what are the details of this 9-9-9 plan? Herman Cain doesn't really know! But per the analysis of qualified economists looking at the scant details on Cain's website, 9-9-9 apparently stands for "Screw-the-poor." To even get to the meat of the 9-9-9 plan requires a complete overhaul of the tax code to favor the wealthy.

First, Cain's proposal would shrink taxes for individuals and businesses to a maximum of 25%, then it would eliminate all taxes on profits earned by multinational corporations outside the country. This would mean that companies like Philip Morris and Pfizer would pay ZERO taxes on their profits. Then, capital gains taxes would be abolished, cutting off $100 billion in federal revenue every year.

Slash the payroll tax (another $800 billion from government coffers) and the estate and gift taxes, and then we'll implement 9-9-9, which stands for a 9% sales tax, a 9% indvidual flat tax and a 9% business flat tax. What does this mean for the 99%? They pay more taxes, while those in the highest income brackets pay less.

Finally, sometime after we beat back the laser-wielding rat colonies and crawl from the smoking wreckage of the hellscape that is our country, Cain's proposal would have us institute a "Fair Tax," which is pretty much the most unfair thing ever created by mankind (bowling alley claw machines excepted).

Sure, the candidate should probably hire an actual economist to come up with his tax platform, but that's a formality. Who's ready for 8 years of prosperity under President Cain? Or is it President Kang?