I am extremely displeased to report that fall, the best season, seems poised to end early this year. According to the experts, November is gearing up to catapult us into winter before we've even wrapped Thanksgiving. For all you chumps (me) who thought you'd get a jump on your holiday travel and confront the transit hellscape early this year, before the crowds descend, sorry! The season's first snow is slated for Thursday, along with a freeze warning that promises to make things extra interesting, all courtesy of a seasonal nor'easter.

Beginning at midnight, temps are expected to plunge into the high 20s across the Bronx, Queens, Brooklyn, and Manhattan. (AccuWeather has absented Staten Island from its weather warning: perhaps the bay breezes will temper the anticipated ice blast? Personally I doubt it.) Conditions will remain frigid through about 9 a.m. on Thursday, threatening to murder your sensitive vegetation and your crops. Be sure to bring your plant children inside tonight, millennials.

The Arctic ambiance will only be enhanced by the morning snow—or sleet! or rain!—presently projected to begin between 9 and 10 a.m., or failing that, around 1 p.m. NY 1 says this nonsense won't stick to the roads or sidewalks, but I am not prepared to make you any promises.

In my armchair meteorologist opinion, Thursday's weather event could best be described as a wintry mix: An approximate inch of snow, sleet, and rain throughout the day, forecasted to give way to regular old rain by 12 a.m. on Friday. According to the National Weather Service, the chance that we will see precipitation of some kind stands at 90 percent. Even if we luck out, though, we're looking at 30-degree temps and the worst weather of all, The Wind, blustering at 20 mph.

What does this mean for you on Thursday? A wet, sloppy bone-chilling commute, up a frozen hill both ways. And if you were hoping to get on a plane and fly far far away from here, I will cross my fingers for you: Delta, at least, is already warning customers that they're probably screwed. But hey, this could all turn around: No one really knows The Weather, anyway.