We've long been admirers of Glenn Beck's 1791 clothing line, seemingly designed for human-centipedes that enjoy wearing Express for Men, Route 66 and American Eagle at the same time. And 1791's new line of jeans doesn't disappoint—they're made in America, feature cool copper "Indian chief" top buttons (because your gut doesn't honor any treaties come Holiday season, amirite?), and are sold for a low price of $129 plus tax and shipping. But something isn't right about this new 1791 denim commercial: it's pretty clear that Glenn Beck wants to turn us into hipsters with his jeans.


Remember anvils? Man, they sure were everywhere back in the day when people used to bang on things really hard to make a living. Or as Glenn says in the commercial, "A time when people worked for their dreams, and their dreams worked for them." But nowadays, people only bang on metal when they have ample disposable income in climate controlled studios in Brooklyn. Dreams cost money these days, a whole lot more money than these jeans.


And couldn't they have found some manlier glasses? It makes sense that when you're soldering together a rocket made of reclaimed metal from the shipwreck of a Portuguese schooner you throw on some Warby Parkers. Never thought Glenn would side with Nanny Bloomberg.


Bottled Coke! True Patriots drink Coke from a can to slake their thirst and receive discounts on tickets for participating Six Flags Theme Parks at the same time. Only waifs in Williamsburg buy that stuff that is probably manufactured and bottled in Mexico after paying $4 for a taco.


Did we see this project on Kickstarter for a community theater adaptation of Sputnik Sweetheart? Why is he in the Gobi Desert? And have we learned nothing from Chris Cooper's performance in October Sky? Americans belong in the MINES, not with their heads in the clouds thinking about all that math nonsense.

Announcing 1791 Denim from 1791 Supply & Co. on Vimeo.

Cruelly, 1791 is only selling jeans with a 34 inch inseam, and the largest size is a 42 inch waist. Thankfully some good folks in Glenn Beck Nation are speaking truth to power: