What is it that people want to see on their televisions on Sunday mornings, perhaps after a late night out? I can't possibly imagine it's the haggard face of amoral racist vampire Rudy Giuliani, but too bad, America: that's what you got. Today, America's Mayor was the only Trump surrogate who went out to defend, explain and spin Donald Trump's "grab them by the pussy" comments.

You couldn't turn on a political talk show today without seeing Rudy Giuliani looking extremely tired, and baffled about being in a situation where he couldn't blather on about how dangerous black people are. On This Week, he suggested Trump will apologize tonight at the debate and that hey, he was probably just exaggerating (you gotta look cool in front of Billy Bush).

On Meet The Press, he wielded the extremely powerful Sword of Wikileaks, but was somehow disarmed by Chuck Todd and stabbed through the heart with it. Sad.

He tried his luck again on CNN, where he dropped the phrase "not all men," sputtered something about casting the first stone, and had a lot of trouble all around.

He went on Fox News Sunday's fair and balance beam to attempt to explain why Kellyanne Conway wasn't on the show like the original booking called for. It was scheduling, see, Rudy said. It definitely wasn't the campaign's realization that having their highest-ranking woman ask "Whom among us has not grabbed a pussy?" would be Yucca Mountain levels of toxic.

And here he is on Face The Nation, facing the nation and telling us that Trump is embarrassed by what he said:

About that whole "embarrassed by what he said" thing.... While Rudy was doing his damnedest to jump on the grenade Trump dropped in the engine room of the Trump Train, Donald Trump was tweeting the exact opposite of what Rudy was saying:

One can almost consider feeling bad for Rudy, because as he was out there flop sweating all over America's living rooms, the Trump campaign was telling their surrogates to make their final push to destroy the Republican Party. Wait, what?

Lol. Rudy, this is your life now: