Beloved forefather George Washington was nothing but a criminal, and stole over $300,000 from our country! At least, that's with calculated inflation. Washington allegedly checked out two books from the New York Society Library on East 79th St over 200 years ago, and has yet to return them! But that's nothing compared to the heartbreaking news for Tea Partiers that Washington was just a liberal Nazi socialist using the big government institution of a public library.

According to a ledger found in 1934, Washington borrowed the "Law of Nations," a treatise on international relations, and Vol. 12 of the "Commons Debates," which contained transcripts of debates from Britain's House of Commons, on October 5, 1789. The books were due by November 2nd, but "President," (as the ledger was signed) failed to return them on time. Head librarian Mark Bartlett apparently found the 14 volume "Commons Debates," and Vol. 12 is still missing. "We're not actively pursuing the overdue fines," Bartlett told the Daily News, "But we would be very happy if we were able to get the books back."