In this week's New Yorker, Fred Willard goes on a Gray Line bus tour of the city with writer Tad Friend (aka Amanda Hesser's Mr. Latte). And Willard analyzes the tour guide's skills from the upper deck of the bus. Here's an excerpt, and for background, the tour guide is a "small Japanese-American woman":
As the bus drove down West Seventy-second Street, past the Dakota, where John Lennon was killed, Willard looked away: “It’s too recent, like O.J.’s house.” Peering into Central Park, he continued, “I wonder how long it’ll be before they start building in there. Just one little restaurant. Then a gift shop. That’s how it starts.”
In Harlem, the guide explained that black people’s hair was different and that they all went to church in their good clothes, whereas everyone else in the city was too busy to be religious, especially the Jews. Back in midtown, she pointed out two famous “Jewish delicatessens,” the Carnegie and the Stage. “Lots of remarks about Jews and blacks,” Willard observed, “yet we haven’t even mentioned Pearl Harbor.”
Sadly, there were no bloodhounds on the scene, so he could not suggest that they wear a Sherlock Holmes hat and smoke a pipe. And now Gothamist must watch Best in Show tonight.