In the wake of the ban/neutering of Four Loko, the overly-caffeinated, sugar-saturated alcoholic drink that is guaranteed to make you blackout, vigils, wakes, and other Loko tributes are popping up all over Facebook and the web. One such protest-funeral took place at Union Square yesterday, where according to reports just under one hundred people showed up to remember the drink that took away so many memories.
The group marched around the square, chanting slogans like "What do we want? FOUR LOKO! When do we want it? FOREVER!" People lit candles and gave some testimonials about the power of the Loko, which caused at least one young post-teen to reflect, "Every time I drank a Four Loko, something terrible happened...And each time, I grew from it." The 8bit band Anamanaguchi led the attendees in a round of acoustic guitar, bongos and laptop singalongs, changing all their songs to be Four Loko-inspired (you can see a video of it below). The night ended with The Beatles own Four Loko tribute, "Why Don't We Drink Four Loko in the Road?"
With the news that Four Loko won't be available in NY for much longer, many people are flocking to their local bodegas to grab as many as they can before they disappear. "People have bought a lot of it in the last few days because they know it's going off the shelves," Mohamad Taher, a clerk at a 7-Eleven in the Bronx, told the News. The Loko company has announced that it will begin packaging the drink without caffeine, essentially stripping the drink of all its flair.
Buoyed by all the hyperbolic praise the drink has received by its legion of true believers, as well as the damnation of several politicians, we decided to try it ourselves last night. We respect everyone's right to drink whatever they want, in whatever combination or mix they deem tasty, but nobody truly prepared us for the overwhelmingly noxious sickly-sweet flavor of the drink (they certainly do not taste like "gummy bears," Eddie Huang). Also, nobody ever mentions how difficult it is to get to sleep after drinking one of these cans (perhaps because most people drink enough that they don't remember going to sleep), nor the stomach-churning sugar aches. That said, it certainly lived up to its billing as the fastest way to get drunk. Now, we must say farewell to Four Loko: we hardly knew, or remembered, ye.